Morris Magenta: Creeper Inventor, Book 1: Bolger’s Curse Read online

Day 92 (Entry 1)

  We left for Pebbleton early this evening, once the sun was down and Fred could step outside. Hoagie said it would only take a few hours to reach the town if we hurried. However, he hadn’t realised we’d be slowed down by all the inventions, equipment, and contraptions we’d be carrying.

  And of course, when I say we, I mean Fred.

  I don’t know exactly what we’ll need to tackle the problem of the missing miners. However, I do expect some digging will be involved. So I’ve had Fred bring the Magenta Multi-Shovel Dig-O-Matic, which should make short work of all that sand Hoagie mentioned. I’ve also brought the Magenta Steel-Tipped Pick-A-Tronic, in case we should encounter hardier materials, the Magenta Handheld Coal-Sniffer, and the (currently unfinished) Magenta Screech-Tastic Warning Alarm. Oh, and a hefty batch of TNT. Just in case.

  I’m currently having Fred write this diary entry as we stop for a rest along the road. Hoagie says Pebbleton is another hour or so away. I look forwards to reaching this town, and showing the townsfolk the scope of my magnificence.

  Day 92 (Entry 2)

  Well, I’ve had better welcomes. If this is a sign of Pebbleton’s hospitality then ARGH!!!! HOAGIE WILL YOU BE CAREFUL!!!! Gently, I said, gently. And Fred, keep writing. We need to get this in the diary.

  Alright reader, let me explain. So, Hoagie was leading Fred and me to Pebbleton. We caught sight of the town when the moon was high. Seemed like charming sort of place. Lots of old houses, with some bigger buildings like a church, town hall, and library. All ordinary stuff. But as we got closer, I saw that there was a guard tower just by the gate into town. Torches were burning at the top, and I could see a pair of figures up there.

  “Don’t worry,” said Hoagie, “That’ll just be Melvyn and Myrtle, the night watchman and watchwoman. They know me; I’ll just go and tell them I’ve brought help.”

  So Hoagie goes towards the wooden guard tower. As he gets closer, both the guards turn towards him, aiming bows and arrows.

  “Who goes there?” said one.

  “Yeah, who goes there?” said another.

  “Guys, it’s me. Hoagie.”

  “Hoagie? What are you doing out at this late hour?”

  “I went to find help. So we can rescue Hamfist from the mines.”

  “You shouldn’t have done that, Hoagie. You know that the collapsed tunnel ain’tnone of your business. Didn’t Foreman Tombold tell you to leave it alone?”

  “I can’t,” said Hoagie, “Miriam is with Hamfist, I can’t leave her down there. Besides, I’ve found help.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. I’ve brought us Mr Morris Magenta, famous inventor.”

  “Never heard of him.”

  “Sounds like a crackpot.”

  This, you must understand reader, was too much to take. I can stand by and let words run off my back as well as anyone. But I will not allow my reputation to be dragged through the dirt. I just will not stand for it.

  “Now see here!” I said, marching along to join to Hoagie, “I’ll have you know that I am one of the more famous inventors in these parts, my good fellow. I’ve got more patents pending than any other from the Rolling Hills area, and…”

  “Crikey! Hoagie duck, it’s a creeper!”

  “I got him! I got him!”

  Wrapped up in the moment, I had in fact forgotten that I was now a creeper. The watchmen took a shot at me with their arrows, and…well, let’s just say that OUCH!!!

  Hoagie, just pull the arrow out, alright? Enough of this messing around. If you just count to three? One…two…YEEEAAHHHH!!!!

  Note to the diary. Let it be known that Watchman Myrtle is with us now. She says she’d like to apologise for shooting me with an arrow. She did not know I was an inventor.

  Day 93 (Entry 1)

  It seems that things in Pebbleton are a little more complex than we realised. Apparently, Hoagie did not tell us everything.

  Fred and I were given a room at the town’s main tavern, The Peasant’s Legs Inn. The owner, Hildegard Cannonankle, was not overjoyed at the idea of having a zombie and a creeper stay in her inn. She was afraid we would frighten away other guests. However, I promised her that we would do no such thing. I am an inventor, a man of science, and Fred is perfectly housetrained. I think she understands now – I’ve offered to have Fred fix the leak in her roof.

  After we’d settled in, and I’d taken my morning snooze, we were taken to meet Foreman Tombold at the town hall. It is my understanding that he is the ‘head honcho’ around these parts. Hoagie told us that the Mayor, Mr Dickenwink, and a miner named Topsoil would also be there, to give us the full story of this cave-in.

  The meeting did not get off to a good start. When we arrived at the town hall (we’d come through the cellars, of course, so Fred wouldn’t have to face the sunlight) the three of them were already there. Mayor Dickenwink wasn’t exactly pleased to see us.

  “So it’s true,” said Dickenwink, dressed all in black with grey hair hanging down to his feet, “Ravenswort, you say you want to help, yet you bring us a creeper?”

  “This is an outrage!” said Foreman Tombold. For a man who claimed to be a foreman, he didn’t look like he’d done much mining in his life. He had fabulous blonde hair and expensive clothes. Strange fellow indeed.

  “The creeper is the natural enemy of the miner,” Tombold said, “He blows us up, and he caves-in our passages. It was most likely one of his kind that trapped Hamfist in the first place!”

  “Please, my friends, be calm,” I said to them. I explained that I am not truly a creeper, but just an inventor trapped in a creeper’s body. This seemed to calm Mayor Dickenwink a little. However, Foreman Tombold (who strikes me as a man with a lot of built-up anger) was not so easily cooled.

  “I don’t care if he’s human, creeper, skeleton, or slime!” said Tombold, “We told you to leave this alone, Hoagie. We told you it was forbidden for anyone to delve so deep and invoke Bolger’s Curse. Hamfist was tempted by greed, and he got exactly what was coming to him. Now you want to head down into the depths with this creeper of yours and risk the same? I think not. My rules are there for a reason.”

  “Bolger’s Curse?” I asked.

  As it turns out, these miner folk of Pebbleton have a rather curious legend. It tells of a greedy miner named Bolger, who dug deeper and darker than anyone in his unquenchable hunger for diamonds and gold. Finally, so their legend goes, he found a way to dig past the bedrock, and down towards the centre of the earth. And, naturally, he was never seen again.

  It’s a load of old rubbish, of course. Nobody can dig past bedrock, not even me with my inventions. But the people of Pebbleton are superstitious folk, so it’s now against their mining rules to dig into Bolger’s tunnels, for fear of awakening his curse. Of course, this Hamfist fellow who went missing did just that, and now he’s trapped down Bolger’s tunnel somewhere. Figures.

  After Foreman Tombold had told me the whole ridiculous legend (along with plenty of hand gestures and sound effects), the miner named Topsoil spoke to us. She’d been first on the scene after Hamfist went missing; she’d seen the cave-in with her own eyes. It doesn’t sound too bad – nothing the Magenta Multi-Shovel Dig-O-Matic can’t handle.

  At the end of the meeting, Mayor Dickenwink gave me permission to try and break through the cave-in. I think he believes I’ll fail; we’ll prove him wrong, won’t we Fred.

  Oh, and one other thing. I think Hoagie might be in love with one of the miners who’s gone missing. Some person named Miriam. That would explain why he’s so anxious to rescue them.

  Anyways, I think it’s time for another doze. It’s going to be a long day’s work tomorrow.

  Day 93 (Entry 2)

  It’s probably nothing, but I thought I should record it down. Just for the sake of completeness.

  I woke from my evening nap at about quarter past midnight. The moon was high in the sky. Prime mob-spawning time, you see, and not at all a good hour for people to go out w
andering. But, since Pebbleton has walls around it and, as I’d learned first-hand, the watchmen had no qualms about shooting any mobs that came too close, I decided it was safe to go for a late-night walk around town.

  I was alone. Most folks were asleep, as you’d expect at this late hour. My walk was a leisurely, and rather uneventful, stroll. However, one thing did catch my eye. As I looked out of the town, up into the hills to the east, I saw some strange lights. Very dim – I may not have noticed it at all, if I didn’t have a creeper’s extremely good eyesight. But it was there alright. A dull purplish glow.

  It’s probably nothing, but I thought it was worth waking Fred up to write it all down, just in case.

  Yes Fred, you can go back to bed now.

  Day 94 (Entry 1)

  I’m writing this (or rather, Fred is writing this) from deep below the earth. We set out into the Pebbleton mines this afternoon. I insisted we wait, so that I could have a proper late-morning doze.

  That miner Topsoil led us down here. She’s a tough-as-nails, no-nonsense, hard-boiled sort, and she seems to know the mines better than anyone. I think we’ll be safe in her company.

  Hoagie is with us too. He’s very eager to get cracking in our search. I was right about him, I’m sure of it. He’s head-over-heels for one of the lost miners, this Miriam he keeps mentioning. I tell you one thing reader, not much gets past Morris Magenta. Sharp as a hawk I am, a hawk! Cunning as a fox and wise as a…wise person…you don’t have to write that part, Fred.

  Watchman Myrtle is the final member of our little band. She says she’s here to protect us from the mobs down here, but I think she just feels guilty for shooting me when I arrived.

  There’s really no need for protection. Thanks to the Magenta Turbo-Charged Mob-Bopper, we’ve no need to fear. Any creepers, skeletons, or uncivilized zombies get too close, and they’ll learn a nasty lesson.

  Topsoil says we should get moving, we’ll reach the cave-in soon. Come along Fred.

  Day 94 (Entry 2)

  It’s a big cave-in alright. No wonder Hoagie couldn’t mine through it on his own. The cave is huge anyways, at least fifteen blocks wide. Whoever this Bolger the Miner was, he liked to dig big tunnels. This one slants downwards, no doubt towards bedrock. Only now it’s full of sand and gravel. Hamfist and Miriam must have messed with the ceiling somehow, and brought all this down. Dreadful business.

  Topsoil seems to think this is where our mission ends. “There,” she said to me, “You’ve seen the cave-in, Mr Magenta. You satisfied now?”

  I, of course, told her I was not. I’d not be satisfied until my task was completed.

  “You can’t be serious,” said Topsoil, “There must be tons of sand and gravel there. It’d take weeks to mine through all of that. And remember Bolger’s Curse…”

  “Dear lady, I do not believe in curses,” I told her, “And it will not take weeks. It will take only a few hours, thanks to the wonders of modern technology!”

  I don’t think Topsoil liked that. But she’ll see. I’ve tasked Fred to unpack the Magenta Multi-Shovel Dig-O-Matic, that’ll make mincemeat of this cave-in.

  In fact, Fred, shouldn’t you be setting the machine up right now? What? What do you mean you’re writing this down instead? Can’t do two things at once? Don’t get clever with me you undead. Unpack the machine! And another thing…

  Day 94 (Entry 3)

  We’re making excellent progress. The Magenta Multi-Shovel Dig-O-Matic is working perfectly. It’s taken a few adjustments. At first, as soon as we tunnelled through one block, another would fall into its place. However, I’ve adapted the machine to brace the ceiling with blocks of stone to stop the sand sliding down. Using this method, we’re picking up quite the pace.

  Hoagie says the Dig-O-Matic is one of the most remarkable things he’s ever seen. He says I should demonstrate it to Mayor Dickenwink when we return – he may wish to buy some, to increase mining speed for the folk of Pebbleton. At last! I am appreciated for my boundless genius. All it took was a tragic mining accident and some chance meetings.

  Enough writing Fred. Turn the machine back on.

  Day 94 (Entry 4)

  We’ve found something. The others didn’t notice it but with my sharp-as-a-hawk eyes, I saw it clear as day. The Dig-O-Matic cleared a fresh batch of sand, and I noticed that part of the cave floor looked slightly different from the others. I looked closer, and d’you know what we found? A pressure plate.

  I had Fred stop the machine and do some digging. We found redstone wiring underneath the plate, leading off towards the cavern walls. Topsoil thinks it’s nothing – you find all sorts of forgotten mechanisms down in the tunnels, she says. But I’m not so sure, and Hoagie agrees.

  I think there’s something else going on here. I think Bolger’s cave was booby trapped. I think Hamfist and Miriam may have triggered this pressure plate, and that’s what brought all this sand and gravel down to block them in.

  As to why, I haven’t the foggiest. Maybe Topsoil is right, and it’s just an old abandoned trigger. But maybe this trap was put here for a reason. Maybe whoever put it here didn’t want anyone to go down Bolger’s mine, or perhaps didn’t want anyone, or anything, getting out.

  Or maybe there really is something to this Bolger’s Curse nonsense after all.

  Don’t write that part down, Fred.

  Day 94 (Entry 5)

  We’re through. It took time, and it wore out the Dig-O-Matic, but we’ve got through the cave-in and onto the other side. There’s no sign of Hamfist or Miriam (much to Hoagie’s dismay). Instead, the tunnel just keeps heading downwards, deeper into the dark.

  Hoagie wants to press on, but Topsoil and Myrtle are getting nervous. Who can blame them? This place is supposed to be cursed, and no one has explored this place for generations. Exciting, isn’t it.

  Topsoil says that we can’t go any further without more torches. This should be easy enough. I’ll employ the Magenta Handheld Coal-Sniffer. Once we’ve found a seam, we can make all the torches we need and press on into the dark, down and down towards bedrock.

  Day 94 (Entry 6)

  The Magenta Handheld Coal-Sniffer worked. I really am a genius. We picked up a seam of coal almost at once. We’ve got enough torches to last for weeks now, and we’re going to press on.

  Day 94 (Entry 7)

  I made the mistake of letting Topsoil examine my contraptions. She seemed interested in the Coal-Sniffer, and what can I say? When someone is interested in your work, you show it to them.

  She thought the Coal-Sniffer was magnificent. Looking at such things seemed to improve Topsoil’s usual sour disposition. She says such a thing could revolutionize the mining industry. Music to my ears.

  However, before I could warn her, Topsoil decided to lay her hands on another of my contraptions. “What does this one do?” she asked curiously, hitting the large red button.

  Unfortunately, she’d chosen the Magenta Screech-Tastic Warning Alarm. A device which gives out an ear-splitting wail loud enough to shake your brains. It’s meant to scare away mobs, but I haven’t quite perfected it yet. So when Topsoil hit the button, she got the shock of her life as a mechanical scream lit up the caves. So loud, in fact, it knocked her off her feet.

  Topsoil has now returned to her normal miserable self. In other news, I think it is almost day 95. Down here in the depths, it is hard to tell what time of day it is. But if my guesses are correct, it should be coming up to midnight.

  Day 95 (Entry 1)

  We’ve followed the path of Bolger’s Cave down further into the earth. Still no sign of Hamfist or Miriam. However, we have found evidence of them. We’ve found several torches on the walls, and several seams of gold and iron that have been mined out.

  I even found a stack of cobblestone. I can only assume that one of the miners dumped it in order to carry more ore. Pity. If I’ve been with them, there’d have been no need. We could simply have employed the Magenta Crush-O-Matic Block-Compactor. Converts moun
ds of rubble into handy pocket-sized cubes. Quite extraordinary.

  We’ll keep pressing on deeper. Those lost miners have to be here somewhere.

  Day 95 (Entry 2)

  We encountered our first mob. It’s all been rather quiet down here; I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.

  We stopped by the side of the tunnel for a few moments. We’d been walking a long time, and I insisted on a short comfort break. Creeper legs are far smaller than human legs, you see – I get tired easily.

  So anyways, we’re sitting around resting, and Watchman Myrtle begins to tell us a ghost story. Just something to keep our spirits up down here. However, just as she was building to the end of her tale, I caught sight of something behind her. Eyes of a hawk, remember, that’s me.

  It was a skeleton. The grisly fellow was heading straight for Watchman Myrtle. It was so fast. There was nothing we could have done.

  At least, there wouldn’t have been if I wasn’t there. I was like lightning. Before that skeleton fiend could attack my companion I rushed to the rescue, valiant and heroic.

  “Fred,” I said, “Deal with him.”

  Fred did as I commanded. He leapt up, ran at the skeleton, and gave him a good thrashing with the Magenta Turbo-Charged Mob-Bopper. The sorry creature was a pile of jangling bones before you could say ribcage.

  “Woah!” said Myrtle, “Fred! You save my life!”

  “No dear lady,” I corrected, “It was I. Morris Magenta.”

  There was some debate about that. But there’s no need to record it here. We’re pressing on. We cannot be far from bedrock now.

  Day 95 (Entry 3)

  We’ve found the end of the tunnel. It ends in with a door.

  It’s an old door, by the looks of it. Metal, and jammed shut. Myrtle, Topsoil, and Hoagie have all tried to prize it open, but with no success. We’ll have to get it open; this must be where Hamfist and Miriam are.

  There’s something else curious too. A strange noise, like the throbbing of a machine mixed with the wash of a changing tide. I’ll be a zombie’s uncle if I can work out what on earth could make such a mysterious sound, but it must be right on the other side of the door.

  I’ve come up with a plan to get the door open. We cannot force it, and the walls are too strong to mine through. But, naturally, I’ve got a back-up plan. This one is called ‘TNT’.

  I’ve explained it to Hoagie and the others. They don’t seem particularly eager to have a controlled explosion down here in the cramped, cave-in-likely tunnels. But I’ve assure them it is perfectly safe. It’s a controlled explosion.

  Fred has set the fuses, and we’ve all hurried back to a safe distance. Now we just have to wait for the charges to detonate. If I’m right, we should have maybe ten seconds left. Nine, eight….AHHHHH!

  Day 95 (Entry 4)

  Note to self. The Magenta Micro-Mini Time Fuses need some work. They can’t count properly. It could lead to some very nasty accidents.

  However, no such thing happened here. We’re all unhurt. The explosion has blown the door clean off. Hoagie is investigating now. I’ll not delay. Come on Fred; let’s find out what’s making that noise.

  Day 95 (Entry 5)

  Fascinating. Extraordinary.

  I’ve heard legends of such things. In the writings of Gobbo the Adventurer and Tallfeld the Bold. In their travels, they speak of strange gateways. Portals to other worlds and dimensions, where you can explore an entirely new reality.

  I believe that is what we’ve found. A portal. This was what made the throbbing, swelling sound. The thing is a square, five blocks by four, and built from obsidian. There is a strange purple essence in the middle, which ripples not unlike water. It is without question one of the most peculiar things I’ve ever witnessed.

  I’ve spoken with the others. None of them have seen anything like this before. Topsoil thinks this may be part of Bolger’s Curse, and suggests we turn back before we anger some ancient and otherworldly spirit. While her fear is understandable, turning back now would be neither heroic nor scientific.

  Myrtle and Hoagie are more helpful. They feel that this is no curse; it is the answer to the stories. Hoagie points out that the floor of this chamber is made of bedrock. We are standing at the very bottom of the land our mines can reach, and get this gateway seems to lead us further down. It is as if, by stepping through, we’d be going beyond bedrock. Just as the legend of Bolger says. Curious, isn’t it?

  Naturally, we do not know if this portal is dangerous. I’ve offered to send Fred through as a guinea pig, but Myrtle has refused. She says she’ll go first. In her mind, Fred saved her life, and she still feels bad about shooting me. I believe she feels she owes us.

  Much as I worry that this could be a very dangerous task, Myrtle cannot be persuaded. She is going to step through the portal and investigate the other side.

  I hope she’ll be alright.

  Day 95 (Entry 6)

  Myrtle has stepped through the portal. She took her bow and arrow with her, ready for any enemies she might encounter. I tried to make her take the Mob-Bopper, but she wouldn’t have it.

  As Myrtle stepped into the purplish vortex, the gateway began to take effect. Before my eyes (and I promise you reader, this is true), Myrtle began to fade. To disappear, as if consumed by some mysterious fog. And then she was gone. No sign of our watchman friend.

  This was only a few moments past. I look forward to Myrtle’s return, and news of the world beyond.

  Day 95 (Entry 7)

  Myrtle has now been gone for almost half an hour. We’re beginning to worry. She said she’d simply scout the area and report back, but she’s been gone too long. This is very concerning.

  Topsoil (predictably) says it is a sign of Bolger’s Curse. She says we should leave now, or we’ll be taken just like Myrtle. Hoagie however disagrees. He says that we need to go into the portal after her, to rescue her and the missing miners.

  “That’s madness!” Topsoil said, “What chance do we stand?”

  “Enough of one!” said Hoagie, “We have Mr Magenta with us. He and his inventions have done incredible things. Extraordinary things. So long as he’s with us, I think we’ll be okay.”

  After that rather touching speech, I’ve decided that Fred and I agree with Hoagie. We can’t give up now. It is our duty as scientists (and zombutlers) to rescue our friends.

  Fred has prepared the Mob-Bopper. Hoagie has his sword, and Topsoil has her pick. We’re ready to enter the portal. To coin a phrase…we’re going in.

  Day 95 (Entry 8)

  So this is The Nether. That, Hoagie tells me, is the legendary name for this place. It is without a doubt one of the most extraordinary, and unpleasant, places I have ever experienced. The earth is red, covered in a mysterious moss-like weed I’ve never seen the like of. There is no sun, but there are lakes and rivers of lava, and great soaring cliffs overlooking them. It really is an incredible place.

  First things first: we now know why Myrtle didn’t come back, and perhaps why Hamfist and Miriam never returned either. It’s a problem, but one I’m sure I can solve given the time.

  You see, on this side of the portal, there is a sharp drop. The portal, it seems, is perched on the very edge of a cliff here in The Nether. So when we stepped through, we tumbled down almost fifteen blocks to the ground. I was unharmed – I landed on Fred.

  In fact, none of us were seriously injured by the fall. But there’s now no way for us to reach the portal and travel back. We could build a ladder, but this strange world doesn’t appear to have trees of any kind. But no matter. I am a scientist, and science always finds a way.

  Perhaps we could construct a staircase from these foul-smelling red weeds.

  But right now, we have more pressing matters. There is no sign of Myrtle, nor of Hamfist and Miriam. I have suggested that our best chance of success would be to stay together and search for any sign of our companions. Afterwards I can fashion us a way to reach the portal, and we may esc
ape.

  Hoagie agrees. Topsoil is still bitter. She thinks this is all my fault, and fears we’ll never escape. The woman is a pessimist. There’s really nothing to fear, when Morris Magenta is here.

  Day 95 (Entry 9)

  This Nether place really is fascinating. So dark, so hellish. It is not the sort of place I would recommend for a holiday, unless you happen to be a Blaze of course, and you enjoy swimming in lava lakes. In which case this is a fairy-tale destination. But to ordinary folk such as us, the place is utterly unpleasant. And, with everything covered in this thick red weed, it would be very easy to become totally lost. Luckily, I have a solution. I’ve had Fred drop a block of dirt every twenty blocks we travel. This way, we may follow the trail of dirt back to the portal. Clever, don’t you think?

  We’ve been walking for almost ten minutes now, along the shore of the lava lake. There’s still no sign of our friends. We’ll keep searching.

  Day 95 (Entry 10)

  We’ve found a clue. Perhaps a sign that Hamfist and Miriam passed this way. Either that, or evidence that we’re not alone in this fiery world.

  We have found a cluster of some strange kind of ore springing from a cliff overhang. Most of it has been mined away; I can still see the pick-axe marks. Whoever did this did it in a hurry; it’s a very sloppy job. They even left some of the ore behind.

  It is quite the strangest substance I’ve ever found. It looks a little like diamond, but with a sunny yellow color not unlike buttercups. And it glows, brighter even than a burning torch, as if sunlight itself were trapped inside. It is a marvellous thing to behold. I believe I shall call it…Shiny-stone. Yes, Shiny-stone. That will do nicely.

  I’ve had Fred, Hoagie, and Topsoil mine the rest of this deposit for further study. Who knows what useful contraptions I can make using this stuff. The Magenta Miracle Miner’s Lamp? The Magenta Moonlight Generator? The Magenta Get-Off-My-Lawn Light-Powered Home Defence? The possibilities are endless.

  Hoagie reminds me that this is not a science expedition, it’s a rescue mission, and we’re wasting time. He’s quite right. We must press on.

  Day 95 (Entry 11)

  We’re not alone here. I knew it. I’ve stopped us here so I can record what I’m seeing…don’t delay Fred! Get this down, quickly! And shush!! Write quieter.

  Alright. We’d been walking for almost an hour. There was still no sign of Myrtle, nor of Hamfist and Miriam. Topsoil was getting impatient. She said this was getting pointless.

  They’d probably fallen into the lava and burned to a crisp, or been taken prisoner by some sinister creatures of this devil-realm. I of course told Topsoil to stop complaining – we cannot leave until our mission was complete. But before we could say anything else, Hoagie grabbed us both and pulled us to hide behind a rock.

  “Somebody is up there,” Hoagie whispered, “Or something.”

  Hoagie pointed up onto a nearby hill. I peered round the corner, and I felt tingles running up my creeper spine. There was something up there. You could hardly call it a someone, for it was the most grotesque and grisly-looking beast I’d ever set eyes on. It stood at the top of the hill, the size and shape of a human with an ancient-looking long sword. But its head was more like that of a pig, with pink flesh and great yellowing tusks jutting from a horrible jaw. But it got worse. For as it turned to its left, I saw with a start that the flesh had peeled away, revealing a rotting skull beneath.

  This wasn’t just a pigman. It was a zombie pigman. Some distant and evil cousin of Fred’s, and without any of the training or manners. Perhaps this was the creature that had mined the Shiny-stone. Perhaps this creature had taken our friends.

  “What an ugly creature!” whispered Topsoil, “We should turn back.”

  “Rubbish,” said Hoagie, “There’s only one. Perhaps he’s friendly, like Fred.”

  Perhaps, but I rather doubt it. But fear not my friends. Morris Magenta has a plan. We’re going to sneak up on this ghastly fellow, and surprise him from behind with the Magenta Turbo-Charged Mob-Bopper. Then, if any of his friends come knocking, we’ll…

  What’s that sound? Oinking?! That’s not good. Hoagie, Topsoil, do you hear that?! Then be quiet! Listen….

  LOOK OUT! HOAGIE, BEHIND YOU! IN THE NAME OF NOTCH, THERE’S DOZENS OF THEM! FRED, THE MOB-BOPPER, QUICK!

  AH, FORGET THE MOB-BOPPER! IT’S TOO LATE! RUN!!!! RUN!!!!! GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE…

  UNHAND ME, YOU OINKING CREATURE! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I’M MORRIS MAGENTA! MORRIS…